By Stuart Goldsmith
Creator of Stuart Goldsmith's Inner Circle
The following power steps structure your thinking to make sure the actions you take will drive you towards success.
Power Step #1: Be In Charge Of Your Life
Caring what other people think of you puts them in charge of your life, instead of you.
'What will other people think of me?' slavery is extremely common. Most of us are brought up (rightfully so) to consider others. But, unless we are discerning, we soon find ourselves caught up in a job we can't stand, or living in a relationship which makes us unhappy, or getting caught up in the spiral of poverty.
'Trying to please other people all the time' syndrome begins in childhood. It stems from a desire to be liked and admired. Let's look at a fairly typical scenario: three boys, Fred, Joe, and Matthew, all five years old, are best pals. They fight to sit together at school and spend their breaks in a group. Fred comes to school one day with a stack of pokemon cards to show his friends. Joe is envious of Fred's collection and a fight breaks out when Fred refuses to give a prized card to Joe.
There are several resulting scenarios, all with serious implications for Fred's future. A teacher could break up the fight and make Fred feel guilty for not parting with the prized card. Joe could refuse to talk to Fred even ending the friendship, unless Fred relented. Matthew would side with either Joe or Fred, or be a peacemaker and force the other two to discuss the problem and sort it out amicably.
The biggest danger to Fred, is if the solution entails his giving the card away, when he really doesn't want to. In other words, if the only reason he gives in, is because he desperately wants to be liked and it really matters what his friends think of him. If they were real friends, of course, Joe would understand Fred's view and Matthew would not criticise. Fred might even willingly offer Joe another not so valuable card out of his collection.
Over the years thousands of small incidents build up, until by the time we are adults, most of us make a habit of putting what other people think of us before our own personal needs and desires.
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