Jesus of Siberia

By Rocco Castoro / Source: VICE

Ten hours into my first trip to Russia I catch an express train back to the airport. It's August in Moscow so I'm sweating in a particularly gross and unfamiliar way, as I have since my arrival, and I'm running late. If I miss my flight, I probably won't make it to Petropavlovka in time for the Holiday of Good Fruits, or speak with a Siberian man who looks like Jesus and believes his is the Word of God.

I buy a ticket and arrive at the platform with a couple minutes to spare, enough time to find the emptiest car and take a seat in the back. It departs three minutes later. This makes me feel a bit better, but I'm still suppressing a freak-out over the possibility of missing my plane. The flight only happens once a day, and I can't fathom having to deal with whoever answers the phones at Vladivostok Air, Siberia's largest carrier.

If I don't make it in time I'll also have to reschedule my ride. This will involve begging a woman named Tamriko, whom I've only corresponded with via email, to persuade a fellow member of what many consider to be a cult to wake up at 4 AM tomorrow, make the three-hour drive to Abakan International Airport to pick up a nosy American stranger, and take him to a remote and deeply religious community of about 4,000 people living in the middle of the Taiga forest.

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How to Convince People That You Are Jesus

So you want people to believe that you're Jesus Christ.  Or, if you don't want to be tied down to anything so specific as Jesus, then you at least want people to think you are the physical embodiment of God on earth.

Who wouldn't want this?  The list of benefits is as long as my arm.

First off, if you're a man (and generally speaking, it mostly seems to be men who reach for this dream), then you get to have sex with all the women in the congregation.

Which if you think about it, is an incredible privilege for the women.  I mean, you're having sex with some gullible, emotionally fractured woman.  That woman, on the other hand, is having SEX WITH GOD.  Where to even begin?  Let's just call that one a Win/Win.

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