The Miserable Way to Live Forever

Source: Thought Pollution

There is a program being sold online that claims to teach you 5 Ancient Tibetan Yoga moves that will vastly improve your health and possibly help you live longer. Okay, nothing too surprising there.

If you read that book you will discover that the 5 Yoga moves are “borrowed” from a much older book first published in 1939 calledAncient Secrets of the Fountain of Youth by Peter Kelder. Here is a short blurb from the book description to give you a taste of what we are up against.

Legend has it that hidden in the remote reaches of the Himalayan mountains lies a secret that would have saved Ponce de Leon from years of fruitless searching. There, generations of Tibetan monks have passed down a series of exercises with mystical, age-reversing properties. Known as the Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation or the Five Rites, these once-secret exercises are now available to Westerners in Ancient Secret of the Fountain Of Youth. Peter Kelder’s book begins with an account of his own introduction to the rites by way of Colonel Bradford, a mysterious retired British army officer who learned of the rites while journeying high up in the Himalayas.

I suppose in the 1930s these 5 yoga poses must have seemed wildly exotic to a bunch of British soldiers, but in today’s day and age I’m not sure we can assume that 5 yoga moves will make you live any longer than average.

But anyway, that’s not the point… let’s get to the good stuff.

How to Live Forever

It turns out the the Tibetan Yogis taught the British Colonel a secret method that any man (not sure if this will work for women… sorry ladies) can use to not just live longer, but, literally, live FOREVER!

And the secret is this:

Do Not Ejaculate.

Ever.

You see, whenever a man ejaculates he loses a bit of his life force. Ejaculate regularly and you will die at a normal age like any regular dude who loves sex and masturbation.

But practice abstinence — not just from sex but from all ejaculation — and you will become immortal.

Sounds cool. But who the fuck wants to live without ever ejaculating? Not me… that’s for sure. And that’s why I call this “The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever.”

Good luck guys… and please let me know how it goes.