Did the CIA Teleport President Obama to Mars?

Forget Kenya. Never mind the secret madrassas. The sinister, shocking truth about Barack Obama's past lies not in east Africa, but in outer space. As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of Darpa.

That's the assertion, at least, of a pair of self-proclaimed time-traveling, universe-exploring government agents. Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings insist that they once served as "chrononauts" at Darpa's behest, traversing the boundaries of time and space. They swear: A youthful Barack Obama was one of them.

Perhaps this all sounds fantastical, absurd, and more than a little nuts. We couldn't agree more. That's one of the reasons we love conspiracy theories — the more awesomely insane, the better.

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Astrologers Predict Obama As Next President

The votes are in and it is unanimous: Barack Obama will win re-election to the U.S. presidency in November, according to five astrologers who offered predictions at their convention on Tuesday.

Each of the five astrologers on the presidential panel explained how they came to their assessments, with most relying on studies of celestial charts pertinent to both Obama and presumed Republican nominee Mitt Romney for the date of either the election itself or the next presidential inauguration.

For Chicago astrologist and corporate lawyer Nina Gryphon, it was her study of the Aries ingress - the exact time when the Sun enters the sign of Aries - that clinched the decision. "It's obvious," she said. "Obama stays where he is without a change in status."

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